dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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