my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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