My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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