Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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