im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
In America we eat man semen.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
