we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize