I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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