I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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