How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize