i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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