His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize