I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
