he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
