So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
