Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
