Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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