Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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