I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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