hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
