I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
