You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
