definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
