Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
