His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
