New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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