How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
