So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
