Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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