I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
