i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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