My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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