Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize