dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
