idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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