Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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