Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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