Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
