I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
