i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
