i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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