I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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