he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
