Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
