A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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