At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
