Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
