i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
