just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
