I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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