he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
