i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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