I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
smell my finger.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Randomize
