went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
