If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
