He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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