Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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