Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
