He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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