He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
