we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
porn star boner night. come get it.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
