i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
