dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize