I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
