Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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