So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
