I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
