do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
