Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I didn't notice because vodka
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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