who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
