I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My cat gives me a boner
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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