Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
