i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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