Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize