the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
