I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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